Don't eat broccoli during a networking event

Last month, I attended a networking event. During the break, the organizers served snacks - some healthy, others not so much. I'm concerned about my heart health and body weight, so I naturally grabbed a small plate of broccoli. Big mistake on my part: after eating, my mouth felt full of broccoli pieces. Of course, I forgot to grab a bottle of water. I'm an introvert and am self aware of my appearance, so I felt worried that I had small green bits on my teeth. I felt reticent in speaking to others. Not a good feeling for a networking event. After the eventhe, I vowed as a principal never to eat broccoli during a networking event. At least, have a drink of water to swish my mouth out with.

The moral to this story: be aware of things that prevent you from reaching out to others and forming close relationships. In my case, don't eat food that will put me in an awkward position. Of course, I could have skipped the broccoli and ate a cookie instead. Guilty pleasures are okay every now and thenight, right? Of course, I could have gotten my fill with a cup of coffee. Alternatives exist in every situation.

Another alternative still. Each person worries about what others think about them. Break the cycle and just speak to people. So what if broccoli pieces stick between your teeth? You should allow yourself to be comfortable and speak. You will make new connections and strengthen current ones. 

Of course, you can speak to people you know. Not only will you feel comfortable, they'll introduce you to new people. Aim to attend events where you know a few people, or you could carpool with a couple friends. Together, you all could tag team the event. Start a public conversation within your group, and invite strangers to join in. You could use welcoming phrases such as "sounds interesting" or "tell me more about that." You should make sure that you and your friends use positive, inviting body language. In other words, hold your arms out instead of keeping them crossed.

What if you're there alone? Perhaps the other person has pieces of broccoli stuck between their teeth. Be comfortable and allow them to speak without judgement. You'll allow them to share their stories with you. You'll appear interesting to them, as you'll allow them an opportunity to tell you about themselves.

At the end of the day, you want to form professional contacts who become friends. What if they get a laugh out of your broccoli stained teeth? Perhaps they're as nervous as you, or maybe they're having a bad day. You don't know what goes on outside the event, so a good cheer might be the one thing that person needs to prevent themselves from going over the edge. Your world will not end of you have a few pieces of broccoli stuck in between your teeth. Just be yourself and allow yourself to get lost in conversation.

Walking into the Sky (Carnegie Mellon University): Aim for high goals and develop your network to help you achieve those goals.

Avoid the Complacency Trap Using Four Important Concepts

As an individual contributor, you must not become complacent in your role. This applies whether you're an engineer, a manager, a scientist, or a financial specialist. You must stay vigilant during your job, so you do not become lax in completing your tasks. This becomes more important as you gain more responsibilities in your career. I share four concepts on how you stay active in your current role, and you can apply my advice throughout your life.

Keep a Daily Journal and Review it

I remember reading that Ashton Kutcher keeps a daily journal. He writes in it first thing in the morning before he opens his email. This allows him to focus on what he needs to get done before others' requests distract him. Why does this apply to steering clear of complacency? When you write your first thoughts, focus on how you truly feel today followed by the first three things you must get done today. Aside from increasing your productivity through increased focus, you can gauge your mindset. Ask yourself questions like

• Do I feel bored in my job? Not just at this moment, but in general.
• Have I completed all my major tasks?
• Do I feel uncomfortable speaking with my peers? With my managers?
• Would I rather be doing something else? Be somewhere else?

We all have bad days. Days when we have little to do, or we would rather be at the beach, the park, home, and so forth. This drives an important point about keeping journals: You must review your past notes regularly. How else would you know if your behavior becomes regular if you do not review your notes. Perhaps you are bored with little to do every now and then. However, what if this situation drags on for a week? A month? Longer? This becomes complacency at its core, and it could be dangerous for your career. Suppose your company performs poorly. The company leadership will look to trim its staff, and they will look towards people who either perform poorly, contribute little to the corporate strategy, or both. If you do not correct your lack of work, your manager might show up in your cubicle with this feared speech: "I need to speak with you. Please come to my office." You might not like what he has to say, as it could be an introduction to your layoff.

Look, your career prospects need not be gloomy. The purpose of writing a daily journal and reviewing it is to help you course correct. You learn patterns that could derail your current job, and you take actions to change your behavior. Behavior modification demands persistence and daily due-diligence. It sounds daunting and difficult, yet you are not alone. This brings us to my second concept below.

Speak to your managers about your concerns

Do not wait until your yearly review to speak to your managers. By then, they might have no clue who you are. They probably don't know what you do for the company. Instead, make regular face-to-face meetings with them. I say managers in plural for a reason: You might regularly interact with multiple managers whether they are your first line manager or program managers. I suggest that you make monthly one-on-one appointments with them. If you feel or have been told you perform poorly, schedule meetings more frequently. You must get into a regular business rhythm, so your managers can give you proper and updated feedback.

You don't feel comfortable meeting with your manager? Find a mentor and meet with them. Your mentor can give you advice on how you can approach your managers. In rare cases, your mentor can approach your manager for you. However, I would advice against asking your manager to do this. It puts them in uncomfortable positions. Besides, you must learn how to approach your managers. You will get comfortable speaking with them as you develop a regular meeting rhythm. You will build trust with your managers over time. This will help you tell them what concerns you about your career path.

Glenn Llopis at Forbes Magazine notes that "your performance at work begins to wane when your voice is not heard.  Speaking-up fuels discussion, ideation and group-think." Times exist when you should speak up, and you will need practice on what you should say. This assumes that you have not developed a habit of speaking your mind. Remember, be respectful when speaking with your managers. State your situation honestly, and offer your managers solutions to help them help you improve your job. They will respond positively to this request.

If you find your role unchallenging or lacking in things to do, your managers will gladly help you find more work. Of course, you might have other concerns outside of your job's tasks. Perhaps you feel your job has become too easy, or you you're coasting through your work. You might have issues dealing with coworkers. You might realize that your current position is not what you thought it would be. In all of these cases, speak with your managers. They can help you make the most out of your current position, so you can have an exciting and fulfilling career. Of course, they're not the only people you should speak with.

Meet with your peers / team members

Feedback can be difficult to receive and to give. Few people enjoy receiving critical feedback, and many people feel uncomfortable giving criticism. (OK, there are a few people out there who give criticism no matter what. I would like to assume these people are few, far, and in between.) I have an important point: The longer you work with a team, the better they get to know you. You shouldn't wait for your coworkers to give you feedback. You should ask them for it and make them feel comfortable. Be candid in noting your concerns, as you have a genuine interest in continuous improvement. Remember, this will help improve your career in the long run. It might hurt at first, yet you can reflect on why their feedback stings.

Why should you speak to your peers about your job concerns? For one thing, it will help build trust. Especially if you are the team lead, you develop your team's trust by speaking with them daily. A leader who retreats to a cave (office) does not lead. At first, you might feel like you're micromanaging your team. If you feel this way, and you think your team might share that opinion, you explain to them your intentions for speaking to them often. For example, you have genuine concerns that you are not doing your job to the best of your abilities, and you want to make sure that your team and you are on the same page. Remind your team, and yourself, that this is not personal. You reach out to them because you want to maximize your and your team's productivity.

By showing your vulnerabilities to your team, you show them that you're human

There exist other reasons for speaking with your coworkers regularly. For instance, Patrick Bosworth (Founder & CEO Leadership Choice) notes that clear communication in the workforce gives "Improved connection between co-workers for a more positive and satisfying work environment," and builds "better relationship with managers and leaders." By regularly and clearly communicating with your team, you show them that you care about their work. They share your company's mission. Do not retreat into shyness. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. They will let you know when you begin to slack off, and that will keep your career moving in positive direction.

Of course, you should not forget regular staff meetings. I'll discuss that avenue next.

Regularly Attend Staff Meetings

You will find it acceptable to skip all sorts of meetings throughout your career. I've been to meetings that were disorganized, off-topic, and complete waste of my time. However, I make a point to attend regularly scheduled staff meetings. Why should you attend staff meetings? Your managers provide you with information relevant to your job. Monthly staff meetings exist for managers to share with their staff project updates, opportunities within the company, staff awards, and staff promotions. Some managers ask their staff members in attendance to provide short status updates. If you skip staff meetings, you will miss out on these opportunities.

There are several types of staff meetings. I've already discussed the first line manager's meeting above, others include:

• Project / Program 
• Senior Leadership 
• Executive

Project and program meetings will focus on the current project. Senior leadership meetings focus on issues relating to that leader's team. The higher the leader's responsibility (say: Senior Manager versus Director), the more general the meeting becomes. The executive meeting focuses at the division or company level. You would want to attend these meetings, so you can get a sense of what goes on within your company. You might learn of opportunities outside of your immediate organization. This would be beneficial if you've become complacent in your career because your job no longer challenges you. Perhaps you feel the time is right for a promotion. Although you could look for jobs in the internal career website, an exciting project might pique your interest. You could focus on jobs related to that.

Remember, when you decide to speak up during staff meetings, show courtesy and respect to your managers and your coworkers. If you feel the need to offer constructive criticism, understand your organization's culture first. Although I would advice you to error on the bold side by offering your criticism, you might encounter a leader who dislikes receiving negative feedback. If that is the case, find someone you trust like a mentor, and express your concerns in private. You need not limit your career by causing an insecure leader to dislike you. After all, your goal in speaking up is to ensure you become aware of what goes on around you. You want to maximize opportunities for professional growth, so you do not grow too comfortable in your job.

Summary

I gave tips on how you can stop being complacent in your career. Complacency can derail your job because you become unaware of what goes around you where you work. The three concepts I discussed are writing a daily journal while remembering to review it, speaking to your managers regularly, reaching out to your team on a daily basis, and attending staff meetings regularly. Write down your thoughts and learn your patterns. Do not fear speaking to your managers face to face, as they want you to succeed in your job. Learn to speak to your coworkers regularly, and you will build their trust. They will tell you when you begin to slack off on the job. Although many professionals dislike meetings, you will learn about opportunities throughout your group or company, and you will learn project status. If your company's performance begins to sour, you might first learn about it during a staff meeting. Better to learn it there, so you can ask your managers detailed questions, and you can show them that you're genuinely interested in the company's performance. In closing, the danger of complacency is that you do not become aware that your job is in danger. You must aim to continually add value to your company. A side effect is that you will find your career to be more fulfilling. By following these tips, you can avoid the complacency trap of thinking that you're happy as a clam, yet you're about to get shucked and eaten alive.

Do you want to learn more about engineering, career advancement, and leadership? Please read my prior posts on this subject:

• Overcoming Introversion in Three Counterintuitive Steps
• How You Can Successfully Propose Your Engineering Projects using Five Principles
• Definitive Guide on Boosting Careers: How to Find Stretch Assignments
• Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 
• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action

You sense that cynicism grows inside you. Instead of trying to push it away and treat it as something to be avoided, you should accept it and see it as opportunities for improvement: of yourself and others. Your levels of cynicism will ebb and flow. When it reaches high tide, you must pay attention to it and be deliberate in using it for good. Of course, you need to bolster your emotional intelligence at those times because you don't want to speak rudely to the wrong people. Choose your words carefully.

Why do you feel cynical? Self reflect to ask yourself why. You might feel unchallenged at work despite your efforts to change this. You could view the people around you as insensitive to your needs. Perhaps your leaders where you work offer one self-served business fad after another. You could have other reasons. Whatever they may be, find them and write them down privately.

Let's suppose you take on a non-technical leadership role. You know you need to develop your soft skills, yet you yearn to invent exciting technologies. Your company's culture infers that employees in leadership roles focus on one project and refrain from spearheading side projects. You feel frustrated and feel your growth stagnates. This feeds your cynicism. 

Who says you can't develop leadership skills while doing technical work? Why must you work on the big projects whose leadership cares only about meeting customer needs instead of trying to combine that with developing new technologies? You might feel like you can't ask these questions at your level within the organization.

How can you flip this upside down to a positive? Find people whom you trust and speak to them. In business, you should speak to your mentor or coach. Their perspectives will help you see things at different angles. You might think narrowly and miss the big picture. For example, a program manager frequently gives you critical feedback. Does this mean you perform poorly? A positive mindset sees these as opportunities for improvement. However, the cynical mind views them as personal attacks. The criticism means the end of the world because poor performance equates to a stagnant career.

How can other's perspectives transform a cynical mind to positive? Cynicism is a sign of a fixed mindset. Mentors point out that other paths to success exist. (Click to Tweet) Do the best you can, and you will develop a reputation as someone who cares about the quality of their work. What about the program manager who gives negative feedback? They strive to meet program goals, so they feel pressure to motivate their team to success. Not everyone knows how to communicate well, and this applies to giving feedback.

If someone gives you negative feedback that causes concern, you will need to confront that person. Be bold and reach out to your network. Your peers can guide you in expressing your concerns respectfully. Trusted advisors can help you figure out how to address this person's concerns. Remember, you focus on the positive, and you take action to help that person succeed.

What if you still yearn for other things you find lacking during your day job? Instead of moping around, take up a side hustle. Even if it starts as a hobby, it will take your mind off work. You might develop skills that you could apply in your current role, or discuss during interviews for alternative positions. Alternatively, give back to your community by volunteering.  Take on a leadership role in your local church, synagogue, temple, or mosque. They need your assistance, and you will find joy in helping others.

Your best answer might be finding work somewhere else. It is one thing to feel cynical. It is another to allow this cynicism from blocking your best work. Take deep breaths. Relax. Do something else and go back to work the following day feeling refreshed. However you feel, you must do your best possible work. Your reputation depends on it. Even if you change jobs, you will tell your story of how you overcame adversity to succeed. Yes, you will hurt during the process, yet you will persevere. You will get through the difficulties. You will succeed.

Look, cynicism can prevent you from taking positive action at times when they matter the most. Nurturing one's tendency for introversion waters cynicism, and it grows in the darkness. Instead, you should practice extroversion to shed light on your cynicism. Positive light allows your growth mindset to flourish and minimizes cynicism.

Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

One aspect of being an effective leader is the ability to learn from your mistakes. You can think of mistakes as opportunities to improve yourself. The first step to learning from a mistake is to admit that you made a mistake. I’ve made many mistakes throughout my career. For example, I interned at Disney Research while earning my PhD. After completing my PhD, I interviewed for a post doctorate position. Despite doing well on my internship and publishing a conference paper, I did not get the job. What happened? The research scientist I worked with left Disney Research to become a professor, and his replacement decided to take the research group in a different direction. I did not consider this. Lesson learned? When interviewing for a position, you must make sure that your skills and experiences align with the company’s strategy.

Once you admit your errors, you can reflect on what caused you to make it:

• Did you not listen when receiving a task? I’ve done this myself on many occasions. For example, I’ve allowed my mind to wander instead of listening to the person talking. Here, it’s important to not have any distractions. Take notes. I prefer an old fashioned pen and notebook.
• Did you misunderstand what was asked of you? It happens to all of us occasionally. Recently, I spoke to a program manager about setting up a peer review meeting. I noted that I should have the meeting in a couple weeks. When I received the meeting notice, he commented that we weren’t ready to have the meeting. Simple mistake made, so I cancelled the meeting.
• Did you overestimate your own abilities? You thought you had the skills necessary to complete your project, and you soon realized that you did not know what you’re doing. This happened to me when I took a stretch assignment in software engineering. A month into the assignment, I realized that I was over my head in writing a software application.bi spoke to my Agile team, and they gave me advice and assistance I needed to complete it.
• Did you not care about what you were doing? When you feel unchallenged, it becomes easy to not care for your quality of work. This is a dangerous place to be because you will develop a reputation for shoddy work. You get out of this mindset by proactively speaking to your manager. If you feel uncomfortable, speak to your mentor or someone you trust. I’ve had to complete administrative tasks multiple times. These can be boring, yet they need to be done. In fact, I’ve helped my manager in the past by volunteering to complete project plans.
• Did you not double-check your work? This is a common mistake whether one writes software, documentation, or designs hardware. In fact, it is different to find your own mistakes in your work because we all become blind to our own endeavors. There are multiple ways to prevent mistakes. Take a break if you get tired. I’ve found myself in situations when I’ve worked long days and returned the following morning to correct the errors I created because I was tired. Alternatively, hand your work over to a colleague to look at it. A fresh pair of eyes can find flaws you missed. In fact, this is the general idea of peer reviews: people unfamiliar with your work will mark your errors to help you improve.

I could list many more examples why people make mistakes. The important things for you to do after admitting errors are to reflect on them and learn. You should ask how you messed up and write ideas on how you can do better next time. Although it can be easy to dwell on your missteps, you should put them aside and not be hard on yourself. As long as you learn your lessons, you will do better next time.