Don't eat broccoli during a networking event

Last month, I attended a networking event. During the break, the organizers served snacks - some healthy, others not so much. I'm concerned about my heart health and body weight, so I naturally grabbed a small plate of broccoli. Big mistake on my part: after eating, my mouth felt full of broccoli pieces. Of course, I forgot to grab a bottle of water. I'm an introvert and am self aware of my appearance, so I felt worried that I had small green bits on my teeth. I felt reticent in speaking to others. Not a good feeling for a networking event. After the eventhe, I vowed as a principal never to eat broccoli during a networking event. At least, have a drink of water to swish my mouth out with.

The moral to this story: be aware of things that prevent you from reaching out to others and forming close relationships. In my case, don't eat food that will put me in an awkward position. Of course, I could have skipped the broccoli and ate a cookie instead. Guilty pleasures are okay every now and thenight, right? Of course, I could have gotten my fill with a cup of coffee. Alternatives exist in every situation.

Another alternative still. Each person worries about what others think about them. Break the cycle and just speak to people. So what if broccoli pieces stick between your teeth? You should allow yourself to be comfortable and speak. You will make new connections and strengthen current ones. 

Of course, you can speak to people you know. Not only will you feel comfortable, they'll introduce you to new people. Aim to attend events where you know a few people, or you could carpool with a couple friends. Together, you all could tag team the event. Start a public conversation within your group, and invite strangers to join in. You could use welcoming phrases such as "sounds interesting" or "tell me more about that." You should make sure that you and your friends use positive, inviting body language. In other words, hold your arms out instead of keeping them crossed.

What if you're there alone? Perhaps the other person has pieces of broccoli stuck between their teeth. Be comfortable and allow them to speak without judgement. You'll allow them to share their stories with you. You'll appear interesting to them, as you'll allow them an opportunity to tell you about themselves.

At the end of the day, you want to form professional contacts who become friends. What if they get a laugh out of your broccoli stained teeth? Perhaps they're as nervous as you, or maybe they're having a bad day. You don't know what goes on outside the event, so a good cheer might be the one thing that person needs to prevent themselves from going over the edge. Your world will not end of you have a few pieces of broccoli stuck in between your teeth. Just be yourself and allow yourself to get lost in conversation.

Walking into the Sky (Carnegie Mellon University): Aim for high goals and develop your network to help you achieve those goals.

Overcoming Introversion in Three Counterintuitive Steps

We live in a society that rewards outgoing people. In her TED Talk "The Power of Introverts," Susan Cain notes this was not always the case, as the drive towards rewarding extroverts began in the twentieth century with the rise of big business. Outgoing people, namely extroverts, get rewarded for their actions. Our society looks for people who are willing to take charge. To paraphrase Cain, even though introverts can solve difficult problems, teachers and counselors encourage extroversion, and introverts can be viewed as problem children. For introverts, this can be a difficult pill to swallow. I should know: I consider myself an introvert. Yes, I can become extroverted in some situations, and people exhibit qualities of both introverts and extroverts. Like many self-proclaimed introverts, however, I can feel drained after going through situations that require me to act like an extrovert. I know leaders who identify as introverts, and this post offers guidelines to help you thrive despite your introversion.

Self-realization: There are times and places for introversion 

After all, introversion is a personality trait, not a disorder or disease. I'll note just like Cain that introversion can be viewed as a disease. I've made this observation out of frustration when I'm unable to get out of my own shell. One should not view introversion as a disease or weakness that should be removed from the body. Rather, the first step an introverted leader takes means that the leader realizes there are times and places for introversion. This is no easy task, as many introverts note that they wish they could control when they must act instead of ruminate on the situation. Look, I go through this myself. Whenever I write an article, I prefer to write in solitude because I can focus my attention on transforming my thoughts onto the screen. Unfortunately, life demands that we address other people's needs, and there exist times when we must put aside the task we feel most important now. Anyone with a family can attest to such situations. For example, I often get home before my wife, so I'm the one who cooks dinner. "I'll wait for dinner to cook," said no hungry person ever, so my priority shifts from writing to cooking when I know my wife is coming home.

Self-reflection: Figure what drives one's introversion.

Ironically, a second step of sorts is to think about why you feel comfortable as an introvert. It could have arisen from a situation you encountered during childhood. For example, when I was in elementary school, my parents owned a time share in Del Mar, California. I met a boy about my age, and I started hanging out with him. I enjoyed spending time with this young man -- almost to the point where I would follow him. Unfortunately, I overheard him talking to his mom about this kid who was clingy and wanted to go wherever he went. I heard what he said, and thought "that sounds just like me, so it must be me." Instead of confronting him and figuring something out, I chose to close myself off and not speak to him again. Not because I felt angry at what he had to say, but because I felt embarrassed for being too close. Thus, introversion became a defense mechanism that I used to shield myself from rejection. Through reflection, you can figure out why you choose introversion, and you must confront your fears even if you fear you will falter. You will face pain and rejection at times. To receive recognition for your leadership skills, you must risk shattering your perceptions that you hold dear. Figuratively speaking, you might feel like you're putting yourself in danger.

Growth-mindset: Be bold through uncomfortable situations

Actions follow reflection. This brings me to a question: once you realize the situation calls for appropriate social behaviors, how do you prepare yourself? Practice, practice, practice! I'm serious. If you feel uncomfortable in situations that demand you shift towards extroversion, you must put yourself in situations that force you to do this.  You can do this in one of many ways, I list a few below:

• Take on stretch assignments in areas outside your current job
• Find a mentor in a position of leadership whose background differs greatly
• Socialize as often as you can.
• Write down your thoughts before attending meetings

As I've discussed in previous articles (why you should do stretch assignments and how you find the best stretch assignments), taking rotations outside your comfort zone force you to directly face your fears. Take on short term projects where you interact with customers or project management. You risk failure if you do not interact with other people. This can feel daunting at first. In fact, I argue that if you do not think "why did I put myself in this situation?" within the first one or two months of a rotation, you do not stretch yourself far enough outside your comfort zone. Something to remember: You lead a team, and your team wants you to succeed. Seek them out for their advice. Seek the manager you report to for advice. It is not weakness to ask for help. As Peter Bregman notes, "needing help — asking for help — is an essential part of being a leader," and the idea that leaders only help others and don't need help themselves is not true. "The reality is that leaders who don’t need help have no one to lead. People feel good when they help. They are inspired when they are needed. They don’t think less of the people they help, they feel more connected." If you want to feel closer to your team, this means you must reach out to them in your time of needs. This will build trust.

Seek your team's feedback: Build their trust while learning to feel comfortable reaching out to them

I believe in the power of mentorship. When I had my first job straight out of college, I did not have a third party to express my concerns. I felt lost in the jungle called a large company. I would wager that extroverts feel the same way when joining a large team. After all, it is human to feel uncomfortable in new situations, and every person's personality consists of a combination of introverted and extroverted traits. Find someone to mentor you even if for your first couple months. In a new situation, a seasoned employee can show you the ropes: forms you need to get processes started, training classes you need, managers who can approve documents such as parts order forms. My point here in seeking out informal mentors is that you can make lasting professional friends who can help you shift from being a new employee to an experienced one. Who knows, maybe you'll return the favor some day.

Of course, a temporary mentor can get you so far. I would suggest that you seek out a leader who can guide and maybe even coach you. This leader should be one level above your current manager. Yes, this can feel uncomfortable especially if your prospective mentor lives directly in your chain of command. However, you will need to report status to managers anyway, so why not seek their advice? Every leader is a person, and they all started somewhere. The CEO of your company, for example, was once an entry-level person who made mistakes and got less then stellar feedback from their managers. However, that CEO stuck through the tough times, learned from their mistakes, and used constructive criticism as opportunities for improvement. Do not fear making mistakes. You will take risks, and you will naturally mess things up. The important thing is for you to share your concerns with a mentor you develop trust with, so they can point out how you can best learn from those situations.

Anita Campbell at American Express notes that "it can be a good idea for you to step out of your comfort zone every now and then." You can do this by socializing with your coworkers. This can take the form of hanging out during lunch or going to happy hours together and schmoozing. Do not be afraid to share personal details about yourself. This will take practice because you might not know how much information is too much. No one wants to know about that large growth on the back of your neck, or your constant indigestion, for example. However, you can talk to them about your hobbies, your family in positive light, exciting things you did last weekend, and so forth. The point here is that you share personal information, so your team feels connected with you, and you with them.

Bonus: Prepare for your meetings by writing down your thoughts.

Before meetings, write down your thoughts. OK, you can think of this as a bonus step: Create a personal agenda of topics you want to discuss to ensure that you address them. I do this whenever I meet with my mentor or a manager. This at the least makes sure that I do not forget to address concerns I might have. When you develop a meeting rhythm with your team, you might find that you might not need to write all your thoughts down. You get into the habit of discussing issues with your team on a regular basis. However, it is a good idea to write down your thoughts before important meetings.

Remember, it is not easy for introverts to become extroverts. It will not happen overnight. Despite what other people say, it is perfectly acceptable for you to be introverted. You should remember, however, that you will need to be outgoing in many situations. I did not explicitly state reasons why you need to be less introverted when needed, as I assume you already know this. For example, you could get passed up for promotions when compared to an outgoing coworker who shows no fears of speaking their mind. If you practice these steps, you will find it easier to reach out and be active in a team. You will make mistakes: I know, I've made mistakes by going back into my comfort zone when I should have asked my program manager and team members questions each day. However, the funny thing about stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you expand it. Just don't forget to stay in that new spot. You will need to continually need to go outside, and you might reach a stage where you look forward to doing that. I wish you the best of luck!

Do you want to learn more about engineering, career advancement, and leadership? Please read my prior posts on this subject:

• How You Can Successfully Propose Your Engineering Projects using Five Principles
• Definitive Guide on Boosting Careers: How to Find Stretch Assignments
• Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 
• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

Definitive Guide on Boosting Careers: How to Find Stretch Assignments

Previously, I discussed why you should pursue stretch assignments to boost your career. Today, I discuss how you find stretch assignments to maximize your career boost. A recap: One takes on stretch assignments to learn new skills. Should you pursue any assignment for your career? Of course not. You take on rotations that allow you to drive your career towards a desirable direction. If you want to become a manager, take on rotations in engineering leadership, program management, or in first line management. If you enjoy developing cutting edge technology, take rotations in the Science, Technology Engineering, Mathematics (STEM) fields. One you have a general idea where you want to move your career, how do you find the best stretch assignments? I'll explain below.

You must develop a reputation for outstanding work

It's simple: Why would anyone want you in your organization if your reputation stinks? You must complete your current tasks to the best of your abilities. Even if you dislike your job, and job dissatisfaction represents a valid reason for career changes, you must put your best efforts forward. Whether you work for a small or large company, people talk. If your peers and management know you for excellent work, people will want you on their teams. To market yourself effectively, you need to let your managers know when you do outstanding work. This can be in person or via email. I suggest an email first to keep written records of your achievements. You should follow-up with your manager in person to make sure he or she received your email.

Tip: Work in your current position for at least three years first

Unless you find yourself regretting a move into your current position, you should stay in that position for a minimum of three years. This will give you sufficient time to get used to your role and work on at least one project. Remember, your reputation matters, and reputations take time to develop in business. No one will know you if you get in a company, and you want to switch roles immediately after starting at the company.

Does this rule apply to everyone? No. Some companies have entry-level Leadership Development Programs (LDPs), and new employees can apply for these programs within the first year of employment. If you truly find yourself unhappy in your career, you can speak to your manager about a position change. However, you should first address the reasons for your dissatisfaction in your current role. Have honest discussions with your manager first, and you consider rotation assignments as a final option.

Update your resume

 This sounds counter-intuitive at first. Because stretch assignments are temporary, you will not formally interview for them. Formally represents the key word here, as you will speak with managers and project leads about potential assignments. Your resume is your calling card and your introduction. You will use it, along with an introductory email, to introduce yourself to these people. Even if they know you personally, they do not know your accomplishments. Sell yourself by keeping your resume up to date. You can brag about your accomplishments, yet you should never lie.

Keep your resume accomplishments relevant to the positions for that you will inquire. You can add personality by listing hobbies provided they relate. If you seek assignments in leadership, you can list volunteer activities if you hold a formal position, and you've held that position for a year or more. If you use a chronological resume, make sure you list your most recent accomplishments first.

Make sure you have someone review your resume! People often forget this step. Do your accomplishments make sense? For each accomplishment, do you show the relationship between your situation and / or task at hand, the actions you took, and the results you achieved? Do you quantify your results whenever possible? You might think that you've answered these questions positively, yet it might not be so clear when someone else reviews your resume. My advice to you: Have a coworker or manager you trust review your resume for anything that sounds unclear, and edit your resume following their advice. Of course, it is acceptable for you to make your accomplishments shine bright. Just remember to never lie about what you've done. You will be found out during the interview process whether formal or not.

Develop your short-term, mid-term, and long-term career plan

If you don't know your destination, how can you get there? You must create figure out your career goals and determine your strengths and weaknesses before you can find the best stretch assignments. Your career plan will consist of the following sections:

• Short Term: 1 - 5 years
• Mid Term: 6 - 10 years
• Long Term: 10 years and beyond

Your career plan represents where you see yourself in those time frames. Is your plan set is stone? Of course not. You should revise your career plan once a year. However, once you calibrate your path, you should assess your strengths and weaknesses. Perform a gap analysis to learn what skills you need to develop, so you can achieve your goals. If you find your soft leadership skills lacking, consider leadership positions that force you to develop your skills. If you want to become a software developer, and you find you know little about configuration management, pursue positions in software development. My point is this: You cannot select stretch assignments that take you outside your comfort zone if you do not know your boundaries.

Discuss your career plan with your manager

You cannot pursue stretch assignments in a vacuum. Your manager can assist in developing your career. Of course, this assumes that your organization's culture encourages professional growth, and I will not discuss what to do in these cases here. It behooves managers to help people develop their careers and get promoted, as that reflects positively on them. That said, you should arrange a face-to-face meeting with your manager, and discuss how you see your career flowing in the coming years. Speak to your interests and what makes you uncomfortable. You want assignments that challenge you and push you to your limits. That is how you grow professionally and personally. You will not achieve lofty goals without taking risks. Yes, you might fail, yet you should see those as career paths that you should reconsider for your long-term plans.

Your manager is your coach. He or she can offer suggestions on what rotations best fit your goals, and what positions will challenge you. They should know what managers have positions that need to be filled for the next 9 to 12 months. Take advantage of these openings: Write down names and descriptions of the positions. If your manager suggests that you review internal job boards, follow-up on that suggestion. However, they should have established a network within your company's management structure, so your manager should know who has openings.

Tip: Join a Leadership Development Program (LDP)

If you want to spend the next two or three years in your career in stretch assignments, I would advise that you join a LDP. I briefly mentioned LDPs aimed at entry-level professionals. There exist LDPs for mid-career individuals who want to boost their careers in different directions. These LDPs often aim to place people into leadership positions. However, if leadership roles do not interest you, you do not need to place yourself into a management spot. I would take advantage of these programs anyway, as all professionals can benefit from developing leadership skills. Even if you decide not to become a manager, you could find yourself leading teams. Why not develop your leadership skills? You can boost your career by showing management that you successfully lead teams to success.

Of course, LDPs often require employees to have excellent yearly reviews. If you focus on performing with excellence, this should not be a problem. You will shine, and the LDP Manager will want to bring you into the program. Once you are in a LDP, meet with the LDP manager and get their advice on possible rotations. This manager will get to know you through one-on-one meetings, and they have contacts within your company who will show interest in you. Take detailed notes during your meetings, and make sure to follow-up. LDP managers will want to make sure that you find a good rotation.

Meet with Rotation Managers

Now that you have contacts, reach out to them with your resume! Write short emails that do the following:

• Tell the manager who you are
• Explain a few key skills that match their position
• Tell them why you are interested in joining their group
• Request a 30 to 60 minute meeting with them

Do not forget to include your resume. Recall, it is your career summary, and the managers will need it to understand you as an individual. Sometimes managers do not respond immediately. Wait one to two weeks to follow-up, and follow-up gracefully. Remind them of your interest in the position. Suggest a date and time, and ask if that works.

Once you schedule meetings, make sure you are on time for those meetings. Always bring a copy of your resume, and dress professionally. You do not need to dress formally, as this is an informal interview. However, I advice that you do not wear casual Friday clothing. When you meet, you should be prepared to tell the manager about yourself. Make sure you have a thirty second elevator pitch. Explain why you want to do a rotational assignment in that manager's group. You should be confident in yourself. It is OK for you to be nervous, yet remember that you are interviewing for a temporary position within your group.

Quite often, people forget to have questions for the rotation manager. This is an area where you can steer yourself off course. You should ask the manager the following types of questions:

• Why is the position open?
• What do you expect from an employee in this role?
• What is your management style?
• What skills would you need to develop during the training phase?
• What is your team like to work with? How would you describe your group's micro-culture?
• Optional: Do you plan on retiring in the upcoming year?
• Optional: Does this position require travel? If so, how much?

You can ask other questions. Just make sure to give the manager time to explain the position to you. The last two questions are optional. If the manager is far in their career, you should know if they will be there to support you throughout your rotation. If they leave the company, will they have an alternate who can guide you? If the position requires traveling, you will need to know especially if you have a family. You might be unwilling to sacrifice time and relationships if you will be on the road most of the time.

Summary

You must take responsibility on finding the best rotations for your career. When making your decisions, make sure to follow your gut. If something seems off, do not take the rotation. I've done this myself, and I found myself having to find another one. It was painful. Yes, I found a rotation that suited my career better. However, I would have found that rotation sooner had I followed my intuition that said something was wrong with the rotation.

Remember, you need to follow up with the managers. Thank them via email for their time. If you decide not to take a rotation in their group, politely let them know. Of course, you need to let your manager know of your decision. (This applies to your LDP manager if you are in a LDP.) Remember, the rotation is not permanent, so you will need to decide at the end of the rotation if you will go back into your original assignment, or if you will make that rotation permanent. Communication is key throughout the entire process. It will help you boost your career because you will find stretch assignments that guide you along the career path that you want.

You can achieve your career goals in business through a combination of knowledge, support, experience, potential, and expert assistance.

Do you want to learn more about career advancement and leadership? Please read my prior posts on this subject:

• Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 
• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 2019

Do you feel stuck in your career?  You can accelerate by taking on stretch assignments. Take on roles that challenge you. Look for career opportunities requiring skills you want to develop. The point is to get out of your comfort zone. If you have strong technical skills, look for opportunities that challenge you to develop soft leadership skills. You can think of these assignments as lateral career moves. Instead of moving up the ladder, you move across in a different role that forces you to learn new skills. You can move up by applying these freshly minted experiences.

What do companies consider as stretch assignments? Employees take temporary assignments in different areas within their field. A hardware engineer might take on a 12 month assignment as a systems engineer or as a software developer. A financial analyst could rotate into accountant roles. A software engineer can stretch into an engineering program management position. These positions can be temporary, or they can evolve into more permanent positions. They must challenge the employee.

When you stretch, you will feel comfortable. You will find difficulties in your new role. You could feel like you'll fail miserably. You might wonder why you bothered. If you find yourself feeling this way, you must persevere especially if seek promotions into management. Stretch assignments will test your tenacity. They will make you question your abilities. A key note: good stretch assignments push you outside of your comfort zone, so you can learn and apply new skills.

I can attest this personally. I'm in a leadership development program (LDP) where I work. I've been through it twice. First, I rotated out of systems engineering into software engineering. Although I have a minor in computer science, it had been years since I programmed in C++. I forget many constructs related to object oriented software development. However, my team helped me, as I quickly learned a non-technical skill. You can ask others for help. In fact, you always need support from your team. They know their craft, and they want you to succeed. I recalled software engineering tenets including unit testing, configuration management, and test driven development. When I felt unsure, my team members pointed me to materials to hone my software engineering skills.

Not every skill you learn focuses on technology such as software development. If you intend to become a leader, you develop soft skills. Communication, time management, people management. Think of them as are forms instead of science. You will make mistakes. What ever you do, you must not become complacent in your role. Your team and program management depend on you to see your project through its next milestone. In leadership roles, you must learn how to manage your team, and you must communicate their concerns up to program management. Keep track of tasks and responsibilities, as your reputation will precede you. You should develop a reputation as a leader who can get through challenges. Your team and project management must rely on you.

How do stretch assignments accelerate your career? You volunteer for challenging assignments, and you lead them to success. You learn new skills that you transfer into promotions. I've been told that receiving a promotion is a matter of having the right skills at the right time. You must develop broad skills that you can transfer into higher levels. If course, you retain your central expertise whether in engineering, business development, or finance. Challenging stretch assignments broaden your skills because you lack skills you need for new roles. You develop new skills through on the job learning.

I give you my second personal example. I'm currently in a product engineer role. I own a software product my team develops. Ownership exists in a figurative sense. I own the software configuration management, software problems database, and the documents pertaining to the software package. Where do the challenges exist? First, I quickly learned the product: how to maintain it, compile it, install it, and test it while keeping track of customer delivery deadlines. Second, I must communicate status to program management while leading my team of software developers on an Agile schedule. This requires communication and commitment to keeping track of software problems and the software development solutions. Software products inherently exhibit complexities. Communication can lack quickly, so I must keep the problem database maintained at all times. I must communicate customer needs through project management down to the team. All this while keeping to the schedule.

Are stretch assignments worth your time? Absolutely! They can feel daunting, as you take on responsibilities in new fields. However, you will push through the difficulties. You will develop a reputation for excellence. You will learn new skills and master them. By broadening your skills, you will be ready for opportunities whenever they arise. You will accelerate your career because you learn more in short periods of time by taking risks. You take risks by taking on assignments outside your core area of knowledge. You develop new skills because you do not want to fail in your new endeavor. In the long run, you prove yourself worthy of promotions. You do this faster than peers who chose their comfort zones over trying new things. If you have an opportunity to take a stretch assignment, go for it. You will learn much about yourself and where you want to point your career.

Grow your career through challenging stretch assignments

Want to learn more about career advancement and leadership? Please read my prior posts on the subject:

• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

Will you disregard important relationship advice?

I want to give. In life, it's the relationships that we form with each other that matter. We need to develop close relationships with other people. They could be our spouses, children, friends, or co-workers. We are not meant to sit alone in boxes isolated from the rest of the world. We often bury our heads in our phones or get sucked into video games or what not. It becomes easy to get frustrated with others and choose isolation. How is this affecting us as a society? How does it affect us as individuals?

I'm not sure how to answer the first question. Okay, I recant my previous statement: I can answer the question. I'm convinced my answer will stand the heat of logical debate. The lack of relationships makes us poor. We become poor in compassion, generosity, and caring for our fellow human beings. I know there exist plenty of examples of people helping others. That's great, and I make the world a better place one person at a time. Yet, I see so many examples of people hating other people for one reason or another. They're Mexican. They're Jewish. They're Muslim. They're LGBTQ. They're whatever they may be, perceived to be different and thus a threat. For each type of person, the haters give reasons for expressing their hate. They're going to take our jobs. They want to replace us. They want to kill us. They live in sin. So many reasons to hate, yet how well do you know these marginalized groups? Will they take our jobs? Do they want to replace us? Do they definitely want to kill us? Do they actually live their lives in sin?

Develop close relationships with people and get to know them better. Think of all the ways we can make this world a better place by listening to other people's stories. Visit a local mosque and learn how their congregants are attempting to live their own lives in peace. I know co-workers who are Muslim, and I respect them because respecting others is the right thing to do. For those haters of Jews, I can tell you I have no intention of replacing you. (Yes, I'm Jewish. I'm proud of it, and I'm not going anywhere because the United States of America is my home.) In fact, I'm trying get through this struggle called life like everyone else. I have a wife whom I love and have arguments with over and over again. It is outright difficult. Forming close relationships means you have to be vulnerable. You must admit your flaws and mistakes. (Click to Tweet) You must put yourself in the shoes of the other person even should they lack feet.

How does this lack of contact with other affect us as individuals? It makes us feel small and insignificant. What can I do, so future generations remember me despite being one out of billions on this planet? I see many ways to do this: become famous, write books people won't forget, do heroic actions in the face of danger. After thinking about this, I tend to think this is a wrong approach. Instead of being important to billions of people, I should become important to a few close people. One must develop close and intimate bonds with my family and friends. You should do wonderful things showing compassion, love, and generosity. This will make you remembered by future generations. What I mean is that you should not forget the people who love you. You should not forget that there are people in this world who are different. You can improve their lives through simple acts of love and kindness. Form close relationships with people who are not like you. Learn their cultures. What does it mean to be Hispanic? To be Jewish? Muslim? LGBTQ? Put whatever preconceived notions you might have aside. Get to know them as individuals.

Forming close relationships and bonds with other people is a never ending task. There will always be haters, yet there will be people yearning for close friendships. We will continue getting into arguments with our loved ones, yet we can work through those issues. Be vulnerable. Know that you will make mistakes, yet take responsibility for them. You should learn with the intent to improve yourself and your relationships. Get to know others, so you can know yourself. It will hurt at times. That is a risk you must take to develop your friendships and loving bonds.

Our world can be a good and nasty place. Many people what to do harm to others. This was true in the past, it is true now, and it will be true in the future. You can improve our world by showing love and kindness to one person at a time. Imagine a child who bullies others because their mother recently died. The father retreats into grief by displaying anger. If you can coach and mentor that child, show them love. Let the child know their father loves them, and it is okay to grieve a loved one.

Quite often, people choose hate because they feel isolated and unloved. You cannot reach each person who closed their hearts, yet form a bond with that person. This individual might have become the instigator of the next mass shooting had you moved on. Instead of responding with anger, invest time to understand their hate. You might need to reach within yourself and understand why you respond the way that you do. This is an opportunity for you to show them you are there for them and care. Open their hearts with patience, kindness, understanding, and compassion. You can improve the world one person at a time. (Click to Tweet)

Remember, our time on this planet is finite. Although future generations might forgot you and me, we must make positive impacts. Be positive forces in the lives of those close to us. By showing examples of kindness and compassion, they in turn will do the same. Not every single person we influence will do this of course, yet one or two will, and the pattern will repeat. Thus, you can have a great positive impact on the world by forging a few meaningful relationships. After all, quality not quantity matters.

How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action

You sense that cynicism grows inside you. Instead of trying to push it away and treat it as something to be avoided, you should accept it and see it as opportunities for improvement: of yourself and others. Your levels of cynicism will ebb and flow. When it reaches high tide, you must pay attention to it and be deliberate in using it for good. Of course, you need to bolster your emotional intelligence at those times because you don't want to speak rudely to the wrong people. Choose your words carefully.

Why do you feel cynical? Self reflect to ask yourself why. You might feel unchallenged at work despite your efforts to change this. You could view the people around you as insensitive to your needs. Perhaps your leaders where you work offer one self-served business fad after another. You could have other reasons. Whatever they may be, find them and write them down privately.

Let's suppose you take on a non-technical leadership role. You know you need to develop your soft skills, yet you yearn to invent exciting technologies. Your company's culture infers that employees in leadership roles focus on one project and refrain from spearheading side projects. You feel frustrated and feel your growth stagnates. This feeds your cynicism. 

Who says you can't develop leadership skills while doing technical work? Why must you work on the big projects whose leadership cares only about meeting customer needs instead of trying to combine that with developing new technologies? You might feel like you can't ask these questions at your level within the organization.

How can you flip this upside down to a positive? Find people whom you trust and speak to them. In business, you should speak to your mentor or coach. Their perspectives will help you see things at different angles. You might think narrowly and miss the big picture. For example, a program manager frequently gives you critical feedback. Does this mean you perform poorly? A positive mindset sees these as opportunities for improvement. However, the cynical mind views them as personal attacks. The criticism means the end of the world because poor performance equates to a stagnant career.

How can other's perspectives transform a cynical mind to positive? Cynicism is a sign of a fixed mindset. Mentors point out that other paths to success exist. (Click to Tweet) Do the best you can, and you will develop a reputation as someone who cares about the quality of their work. What about the program manager who gives negative feedback? They strive to meet program goals, so they feel pressure to motivate their team to success. Not everyone knows how to communicate well, and this applies to giving feedback.

If someone gives you negative feedback that causes concern, you will need to confront that person. Be bold and reach out to your network. Your peers can guide you in expressing your concerns respectfully. Trusted advisors can help you figure out how to address this person's concerns. Remember, you focus on the positive, and you take action to help that person succeed.

What if you still yearn for other things you find lacking during your day job? Instead of moping around, take up a side hustle. Even if it starts as a hobby, it will take your mind off work. You might develop skills that you could apply in your current role, or discuss during interviews for alternative positions. Alternatively, give back to your community by volunteering.  Take on a leadership role in your local church, synagogue, temple, or mosque. They need your assistance, and you will find joy in helping others.

Your best answer might be finding work somewhere else. It is one thing to feel cynical. It is another to allow this cynicism from blocking your best work. Take deep breaths. Relax. Do something else and go back to work the following day feeling refreshed. However you feel, you must do your best possible work. Your reputation depends on it. Even if you change jobs, you will tell your story of how you overcame adversity to succeed. Yes, you will hurt during the process, yet you will persevere. You will get through the difficulties. You will succeed.

Look, cynicism can prevent you from taking positive action at times when they matter the most. Nurturing one's tendency for introversion waters cynicism, and it grows in the darkness. Instead, you should practice extroversion to shed light on your cynicism. Positive light allows your growth mindset to flourish and minimizes cynicism.