Why do emotions matter in our career? Give pause to your emotions using a four letter word

As engineers, why do emotions matter? We develop cool products and get excited about awesome technologies like Deep Learning, blockchain, virtual reality. When we think about SciFi, we might think about Mr. Spock -- the emotion free Vulcan who knew how not to react. For those of us who aim to be like him, calm and logical, emotion seems like the enemy. However, we are not Vulcans, and we have emotions that we often allow to control us. Emotions can control us if we allow them to stay unchecked. It's perfectly acceptable to have emotions. You can exhibit fear, anger, frustration, happiness, joy, ecstasy, and many more. 

There will be times when you can't show fear. If you lead a company, you might need to be firm in times of uncertainty or failure. This doesn't mean you express anxiety to your team in private. However, a leader needs to stay calm and level headed, so they can decide on the best courses of action. 

You can use a four letter word to give pause to your emotions. You can say this word in public because it's not that kind of word. Remember the acronym HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Do not make major decisions under these circumstances. You will be tempted to throw in the towel if you're in a HALT situation. Take a deep breath and wait it through. If you're hungry, eat a meal. Get sustenance for yourself. If you're angry, meditate until you calm down, or take a deep breath. You should observe the sensations on your body. How does anger affect you? You cannot control your thoughts all of the time, yet meditation and self-reflection allow you to think before you speak. If you're lonely, talk to a family member or close friend. You can have many friends and feel lonely if you do not reach out to them in your times of need. What if you have no close relatives or friends? Join a Meetup where you live and make efforts to develop new friendships. True friends willingly listen to your concerns without judging you. If you're tired, take a nap. Nap for 20 to 25 minutes, so you can feel refreshed. Self care is important, and sleep is part of that routine.

Learn to recognize and understand your feelings, so you prevent them from driving your career into the ground

Whatever you do, do not make important decisions under these circumstances. Postpone them. Reconsider taking action. Reframe your viewpoint. You always have options. It might not seem like it at the time, yet I've learned over the years that other choices existed when I thought I could only make one. For example, I tried a side hustle a couple decades ago where I would sell a third-party's product. It was a MLM that sold real, physical products. I bought samples myself, and the material seemed good to me. However, I lacked the will to sell something I had no hand in creating. Instead of dropping it, I continued pushing through because I was angry at myself for not having the will to sell these products. Instead of different ways to market these products, I could have accepted my anger as a natural sign that this line of business was not for me. I could have saved a great deal of time, money, and efforts. (This was before Social Media existed. However, that would not have helped because I would have used another channel to waste my time and money.) Perhaps I could have done something else like invest in a meaningful hobby -- like writing -- or learning a different technical skill that I could have used to create my own products.

I have an important point: humans have emotions. A stoic can have emotions. Even Vulcans have emotions. A key difference between a stoic and others is that the stoic does not allow emotions to make their decisions. Remain calm and level headed in stressful situations. Do not say things you would later regret. Do not take actions that will haunt you. Your ability to separate emotions from actions represents a good stretch of the mind. This represents one's ability to accept emotions as they are, and one can formulate possible outcomes should they choose to act on those emotions.

Often, people choose to react without considering the consequences. Ray Dalio notes that one should consider the second and third order effects. For example, suppose you get angry at your manager for giving you a poor review. The first order action would be to yell at your leader: "You treated me unfairly!" or "You have no idea what efforts I put into that project!" or "I worked really hard, and you can't respect me enough to give me credit for my work!" The first order effect might be the good feeling you get for telling you manager off. However, you didn't consider the second and third order effects: a poor performance review, and loss of a promotion that your manager was considering for you.

Would this kind of reaction be worth it? If you consider only the first order reaction, you get instant gratification. Of course, the better answer would be to consider why your manager choose to give you critical feedback. On one hand, perhaps you consistently perform poorly, and you needed a strong reprimand. In that case, you should listen to your leader because you would seize an opportunity to improve your career. On the other hand, you might have an area that needs improvement, and your manager sees that. Instead of letting it slide, she decides to point it out to you. After all, you need to improve that skill because you will need it in that promotion she has in mind for you.

Of course, clashes exist between those who control their emotions and those who don't. Stay focused on thought and reason in these situations, so you do not get dragged down into emotional abyss. Listen to the argument for understanding not reaction. Allow not one's temptation to react for the sake of defense. It will waste energy and frustrate everyone involved in the discussion discussion. Personally, I do not understand the importance of allowing one's emotions to get the better of them. What do you obtain by pouting and discounting other's viewpoints? Focus on others not yourself. To do otherwise feels narcissistic to me. Each person has their own struggles. It does little to complain about your own battles. 

Think of this differently. Each person wants solutions to their problems, as they want to make themselves feel better. Is this true of all people? No. This is a generalization, as some people prioritize others' well being above their own. Rather, my point serves as an example of how people commonly deal with their emotions. An emotionally intelligent person recognizes emotions as things neither positive or negative. They strive to operate despite their emotions. Remember, you will make mistakes, and you will act on your emotions. If this happens, recognize your error and apologize if you offended anyone during the process. You make sure that you learn from this and be more aware of your emotions in the future, so will be less likely to react in the same way. If you apologize and don't repeat the slight, you will be surprising how well people respect you. In fact, they might learn the importance of emotional awareness leading to improve their emotional intelligence.


Do you want to learn more about engineering, career advancement, and leadership? Please read my prior posts on this subject:

• How You can Lead Your Team to Success with Four Effective Leadership Principles
• Avoid the Complacency Trap Using Four Important Concepts
• Overcoming Introversion in Three Counterintuitive Steps
• How You Can Successfully Propose Your Engineering Projects using Five Principles
• Definitive Guide on Boosting Careers: How to Find Stretch Assignments
• Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 
• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

Avoid the Complacency Trap Using Four Important Concepts

As an individual contributor, you must not become complacent in your role. This applies whether you're an engineer, a manager, a scientist, or a financial specialist. You must stay vigilant during your job, so you do not become lax in completing your tasks. This becomes more important as you gain more responsibilities in your career. I share four concepts on how you stay active in your current role, and you can apply my advice throughout your life.

Keep a Daily Journal and Review it

I remember reading that Ashton Kutcher keeps a daily journal. He writes in it first thing in the morning before he opens his email. This allows him to focus on what he needs to get done before others' requests distract him. Why does this apply to steering clear of complacency? When you write your first thoughts, focus on how you truly feel today followed by the first three things you must get done today. Aside from increasing your productivity through increased focus, you can gauge your mindset. Ask yourself questions like

• Do I feel bored in my job? Not just at this moment, but in general.
• Have I completed all my major tasks?
• Do I feel uncomfortable speaking with my peers? With my managers?
• Would I rather be doing something else? Be somewhere else?

We all have bad days. Days when we have little to do, or we would rather be at the beach, the park, home, and so forth. This drives an important point about keeping journals: You must review your past notes regularly. How else would you know if your behavior becomes regular if you do not review your notes. Perhaps you are bored with little to do every now and then. However, what if this situation drags on for a week? A month? Longer? This becomes complacency at its core, and it could be dangerous for your career. Suppose your company performs poorly. The company leadership will look to trim its staff, and they will look towards people who either perform poorly, contribute little to the corporate strategy, or both. If you do not correct your lack of work, your manager might show up in your cubicle with this feared speech: "I need to speak with you. Please come to my office." You might not like what he has to say, as it could be an introduction to your layoff.

Look, your career prospects need not be gloomy. The purpose of writing a daily journal and reviewing it is to help you course correct. You learn patterns that could derail your current job, and you take actions to change your behavior. Behavior modification demands persistence and daily due-diligence. It sounds daunting and difficult, yet you are not alone. This brings us to my second concept below.

Speak to your managers about your concerns

Do not wait until your yearly review to speak to your managers. By then, they might have no clue who you are. They probably don't know what you do for the company. Instead, make regular face-to-face meetings with them. I say managers in plural for a reason: You might regularly interact with multiple managers whether they are your first line manager or program managers. I suggest that you make monthly one-on-one appointments with them. If you feel or have been told you perform poorly, schedule meetings more frequently. You must get into a regular business rhythm, so your managers can give you proper and updated feedback.

You don't feel comfortable meeting with your manager? Find a mentor and meet with them. Your mentor can give you advice on how you can approach your managers. In rare cases, your mentor can approach your manager for you. However, I would advice against asking your manager to do this. It puts them in uncomfortable positions. Besides, you must learn how to approach your managers. You will get comfortable speaking with them as you develop a regular meeting rhythm. You will build trust with your managers over time. This will help you tell them what concerns you about your career path.

Glenn Llopis at Forbes Magazine notes that "your performance at work begins to wane when your voice is not heard.  Speaking-up fuels discussion, ideation and group-think." Times exist when you should speak up, and you will need practice on what you should say. This assumes that you have not developed a habit of speaking your mind. Remember, be respectful when speaking with your managers. State your situation honestly, and offer your managers solutions to help them help you improve your job. They will respond positively to this request.

If you find your role unchallenging or lacking in things to do, your managers will gladly help you find more work. Of course, you might have other concerns outside of your job's tasks. Perhaps you feel your job has become too easy, or you you're coasting through your work. You might have issues dealing with coworkers. You might realize that your current position is not what you thought it would be. In all of these cases, speak with your managers. They can help you make the most out of your current position, so you can have an exciting and fulfilling career. Of course, they're not the only people you should speak with.

Meet with your peers / team members

Feedback can be difficult to receive and to give. Few people enjoy receiving critical feedback, and many people feel uncomfortable giving criticism. (OK, there are a few people out there who give criticism no matter what. I would like to assume these people are few, far, and in between.) I have an important point: The longer you work with a team, the better they get to know you. You shouldn't wait for your coworkers to give you feedback. You should ask them for it and make them feel comfortable. Be candid in noting your concerns, as you have a genuine interest in continuous improvement. Remember, this will help improve your career in the long run. It might hurt at first, yet you can reflect on why their feedback stings.

Why should you speak to your peers about your job concerns? For one thing, it will help build trust. Especially if you are the team lead, you develop your team's trust by speaking with them daily. A leader who retreats to a cave (office) does not lead. At first, you might feel like you're micromanaging your team. If you feel this way, and you think your team might share that opinion, you explain to them your intentions for speaking to them often. For example, you have genuine concerns that you are not doing your job to the best of your abilities, and you want to make sure that your team and you are on the same page. Remind your team, and yourself, that this is not personal. You reach out to them because you want to maximize your and your team's productivity.

By showing your vulnerabilities to your team, you show them that you're human

There exist other reasons for speaking with your coworkers regularly. For instance, Patrick Bosworth (Founder & CEO Leadership Choice) notes that clear communication in the workforce gives "Improved connection between co-workers for a more positive and satisfying work environment," and builds "better relationship with managers and leaders." By regularly and clearly communicating with your team, you show them that you care about their work. They share your company's mission. Do not retreat into shyness. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. They will let you know when you begin to slack off, and that will keep your career moving in positive direction.

Of course, you should not forget regular staff meetings. I'll discuss that avenue next.

Regularly Attend Staff Meetings

You will find it acceptable to skip all sorts of meetings throughout your career. I've been to meetings that were disorganized, off-topic, and complete waste of my time. However, I make a point to attend regularly scheduled staff meetings. Why should you attend staff meetings? Your managers provide you with information relevant to your job. Monthly staff meetings exist for managers to share with their staff project updates, opportunities within the company, staff awards, and staff promotions. Some managers ask their staff members in attendance to provide short status updates. If you skip staff meetings, you will miss out on these opportunities.

There are several types of staff meetings. I've already discussed the first line manager's meeting above, others include:

• Project / Program 
• Senior Leadership 
• Executive

Project and program meetings will focus on the current project. Senior leadership meetings focus on issues relating to that leader's team. The higher the leader's responsibility (say: Senior Manager versus Director), the more general the meeting becomes. The executive meeting focuses at the division or company level. You would want to attend these meetings, so you can get a sense of what goes on within your company. You might learn of opportunities outside of your immediate organization. This would be beneficial if you've become complacent in your career because your job no longer challenges you. Perhaps you feel the time is right for a promotion. Although you could look for jobs in the internal career website, an exciting project might pique your interest. You could focus on jobs related to that.

Remember, when you decide to speak up during staff meetings, show courtesy and respect to your managers and your coworkers. If you feel the need to offer constructive criticism, understand your organization's culture first. Although I would advice you to error on the bold side by offering your criticism, you might encounter a leader who dislikes receiving negative feedback. If that is the case, find someone you trust like a mentor, and express your concerns in private. You need not limit your career by causing an insecure leader to dislike you. After all, your goal in speaking up is to ensure you become aware of what goes on around you. You want to maximize opportunities for professional growth, so you do not grow too comfortable in your job.

Summary

I gave tips on how you can stop being complacent in your career. Complacency can derail your job because you become unaware of what goes around you where you work. The three concepts I discussed are writing a daily journal while remembering to review it, speaking to your managers regularly, reaching out to your team on a daily basis, and attending staff meetings regularly. Write down your thoughts and learn your patterns. Do not fear speaking to your managers face to face, as they want you to succeed in your job. Learn to speak to your coworkers regularly, and you will build their trust. They will tell you when you begin to slack off on the job. Although many professionals dislike meetings, you will learn about opportunities throughout your group or company, and you will learn project status. If your company's performance begins to sour, you might first learn about it during a staff meeting. Better to learn it there, so you can ask your managers detailed questions, and you can show them that you're genuinely interested in the company's performance. In closing, the danger of complacency is that you do not become aware that your job is in danger. You must aim to continually add value to your company. A side effect is that you will find your career to be more fulfilling. By following these tips, you can avoid the complacency trap of thinking that you're happy as a clam, yet you're about to get shucked and eaten alive.

Do you want to learn more about engineering, career advancement, and leadership? Please read my prior posts on this subject:

• Overcoming Introversion in Three Counterintuitive Steps
• How You Can Successfully Propose Your Engineering Projects using Five Principles
• Definitive Guide on Boosting Careers: How to Find Stretch Assignments
• Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 
• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences