Overcoming Introversion in Three Counterintuitive Steps

We live in a society that rewards outgoing people. In her TED Talk "The Power of Introverts," Susan Cain notes this was not always the case, as the drive towards rewarding extroverts began in the twentieth century with the rise of big business. Outgoing people, namely extroverts, get rewarded for their actions. Our society looks for people who are willing to take charge. To paraphrase Cain, even though introverts can solve difficult problems, teachers and counselors encourage extroversion, and introverts can be viewed as problem children. For introverts, this can be a difficult pill to swallow. I should know: I consider myself an introvert. Yes, I can become extroverted in some situations, and people exhibit qualities of both introverts and extroverts. Like many self-proclaimed introverts, however, I can feel drained after going through situations that require me to act like an extrovert. I know leaders who identify as introverts, and this post offers guidelines to help you thrive despite your introversion.

Self-realization: There are times and places for introversion 

After all, introversion is a personality trait, not a disorder or disease. I'll note just like Cain that introversion can be viewed as a disease. I've made this observation out of frustration when I'm unable to get out of my own shell. One should not view introversion as a disease or weakness that should be removed from the body. Rather, the first step an introverted leader takes means that the leader realizes there are times and places for introversion. This is no easy task, as many introverts note that they wish they could control when they must act instead of ruminate on the situation. Look, I go through this myself. Whenever I write an article, I prefer to write in solitude because I can focus my attention on transforming my thoughts onto the screen. Unfortunately, life demands that we address other people's needs, and there exist times when we must put aside the task we feel most important now. Anyone with a family can attest to such situations. For example, I often get home before my wife, so I'm the one who cooks dinner. "I'll wait for dinner to cook," said no hungry person ever, so my priority shifts from writing to cooking when I know my wife is coming home.

Self-reflection: Figure what drives one's introversion.

Ironically, a second step of sorts is to think about why you feel comfortable as an introvert. It could have arisen from a situation you encountered during childhood. For example, when I was in elementary school, my parents owned a time share in Del Mar, California. I met a boy about my age, and I started hanging out with him. I enjoyed spending time with this young man -- almost to the point where I would follow him. Unfortunately, I overheard him talking to his mom about this kid who was clingy and wanted to go wherever he went. I heard what he said, and thought "that sounds just like me, so it must be me." Instead of confronting him and figuring something out, I chose to close myself off and not speak to him again. Not because I felt angry at what he had to say, but because I felt embarrassed for being too close. Thus, introversion became a defense mechanism that I used to shield myself from rejection. Through reflection, you can figure out why you choose introversion, and you must confront your fears even if you fear you will falter. You will face pain and rejection at times. To receive recognition for your leadership skills, you must risk shattering your perceptions that you hold dear. Figuratively speaking, you might feel like you're putting yourself in danger.

Growth-mindset: Be bold through uncomfortable situations

Actions follow reflection. This brings me to a question: once you realize the situation calls for appropriate social behaviors, how do you prepare yourself? Practice, practice, practice! I'm serious. If you feel uncomfortable in situations that demand you shift towards extroversion, you must put yourself in situations that force you to do this.  You can do this in one of many ways, I list a few below:

• Take on stretch assignments in areas outside your current job
• Find a mentor in a position of leadership whose background differs greatly
• Socialize as often as you can.
• Write down your thoughts before attending meetings

As I've discussed in previous articles (why you should do stretch assignments and how you find the best stretch assignments), taking rotations outside your comfort zone force you to directly face your fears. Take on short term projects where you interact with customers or project management. You risk failure if you do not interact with other people. This can feel daunting at first. In fact, I argue that if you do not think "why did I put myself in this situation?" within the first one or two months of a rotation, you do not stretch yourself far enough outside your comfort zone. Something to remember: You lead a team, and your team wants you to succeed. Seek them out for their advice. Seek the manager you report to for advice. It is not weakness to ask for help. As Peter Bregman notes, "needing help — asking for help — is an essential part of being a leader," and the idea that leaders only help others and don't need help themselves is not true. "The reality is that leaders who don’t need help have no one to lead. People feel good when they help. They are inspired when they are needed. They don’t think less of the people they help, they feel more connected." If you want to feel closer to your team, this means you must reach out to them in your time of needs. This will build trust.

Seek your team's feedback: Build their trust while learning to feel comfortable reaching out to them

I believe in the power of mentorship. When I had my first job straight out of college, I did not have a third party to express my concerns. I felt lost in the jungle called a large company. I would wager that extroverts feel the same way when joining a large team. After all, it is human to feel uncomfortable in new situations, and every person's personality consists of a combination of introverted and extroverted traits. Find someone to mentor you even if for your first couple months. In a new situation, a seasoned employee can show you the ropes: forms you need to get processes started, training classes you need, managers who can approve documents such as parts order forms. My point here in seeking out informal mentors is that you can make lasting professional friends who can help you shift from being a new employee to an experienced one. Who knows, maybe you'll return the favor some day.

Of course, a temporary mentor can get you so far. I would suggest that you seek out a leader who can guide and maybe even coach you. This leader should be one level above your current manager. Yes, this can feel uncomfortable especially if your prospective mentor lives directly in your chain of command. However, you will need to report status to managers anyway, so why not seek their advice? Every leader is a person, and they all started somewhere. The CEO of your company, for example, was once an entry-level person who made mistakes and got less then stellar feedback from their managers. However, that CEO stuck through the tough times, learned from their mistakes, and used constructive criticism as opportunities for improvement. Do not fear making mistakes. You will take risks, and you will naturally mess things up. The important thing is for you to share your concerns with a mentor you develop trust with, so they can point out how you can best learn from those situations.

Anita Campbell at American Express notes that "it can be a good idea for you to step out of your comfort zone every now and then." You can do this by socializing with your coworkers. This can take the form of hanging out during lunch or going to happy hours together and schmoozing. Do not be afraid to share personal details about yourself. This will take practice because you might not know how much information is too much. No one wants to know about that large growth on the back of your neck, or your constant indigestion, for example. However, you can talk to them about your hobbies, your family in positive light, exciting things you did last weekend, and so forth. The point here is that you share personal information, so your team feels connected with you, and you with them.

Bonus: Prepare for your meetings by writing down your thoughts.

Before meetings, write down your thoughts. OK, you can think of this as a bonus step: Create a personal agenda of topics you want to discuss to ensure that you address them. I do this whenever I meet with my mentor or a manager. This at the least makes sure that I do not forget to address concerns I might have. When you develop a meeting rhythm with your team, you might find that you might not need to write all your thoughts down. You get into the habit of discussing issues with your team on a regular basis. However, it is a good idea to write down your thoughts before important meetings.

Remember, it is not easy for introverts to become extroverts. It will not happen overnight. Despite what other people say, it is perfectly acceptable for you to be introverted. You should remember, however, that you will need to be outgoing in many situations. I did not explicitly state reasons why you need to be less introverted when needed, as I assume you already know this. For example, you could get passed up for promotions when compared to an outgoing coworker who shows no fears of speaking their mind. If you practice these steps, you will find it easier to reach out and be active in a team. You will make mistakes: I know, I've made mistakes by going back into my comfort zone when I should have asked my program manager and team members questions each day. However, the funny thing about stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you expand it. Just don't forget to stay in that new spot. You will need to continually need to go outside, and you might reach a stage where you look forward to doing that. I wish you the best of luck!

Do you want to learn more about engineering, career advancement, and leadership? Please read my prior posts on this subject:

• How You Can Successfully Propose Your Engineering Projects using Five Principles
• Definitive Guide on Boosting Careers: How to Find Stretch Assignments
• Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 
• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

Definitive Guide on Boosting Careers: How to Find Stretch Assignments

Previously, I discussed why you should pursue stretch assignments to boost your career. Today, I discuss how you find stretch assignments to maximize your career boost. A recap: One takes on stretch assignments to learn new skills. Should you pursue any assignment for your career? Of course not. You take on rotations that allow you to drive your career towards a desirable direction. If you want to become a manager, take on rotations in engineering leadership, program management, or in first line management. If you enjoy developing cutting edge technology, take rotations in the Science, Technology Engineering, Mathematics (STEM) fields. One you have a general idea where you want to move your career, how do you find the best stretch assignments? I'll explain below.

You must develop a reputation for outstanding work

It's simple: Why would anyone want you in your organization if your reputation stinks? You must complete your current tasks to the best of your abilities. Even if you dislike your job, and job dissatisfaction represents a valid reason for career changes, you must put your best efforts forward. Whether you work for a small or large company, people talk. If your peers and management know you for excellent work, people will want you on their teams. To market yourself effectively, you need to let your managers know when you do outstanding work. This can be in person or via email. I suggest an email first to keep written records of your achievements. You should follow-up with your manager in person to make sure he or she received your email.

Tip: Work in your current position for at least three years first

Unless you find yourself regretting a move into your current position, you should stay in that position for a minimum of three years. This will give you sufficient time to get used to your role and work on at least one project. Remember, your reputation matters, and reputations take time to develop in business. No one will know you if you get in a company, and you want to switch roles immediately after starting at the company.

Does this rule apply to everyone? No. Some companies have entry-level Leadership Development Programs (LDPs), and new employees can apply for these programs within the first year of employment. If you truly find yourself unhappy in your career, you can speak to your manager about a position change. However, you should first address the reasons for your dissatisfaction in your current role. Have honest discussions with your manager first, and you consider rotation assignments as a final option.

Update your resume

 This sounds counter-intuitive at first. Because stretch assignments are temporary, you will not formally interview for them. Formally represents the key word here, as you will speak with managers and project leads about potential assignments. Your resume is your calling card and your introduction. You will use it, along with an introductory email, to introduce yourself to these people. Even if they know you personally, they do not know your accomplishments. Sell yourself by keeping your resume up to date. You can brag about your accomplishments, yet you should never lie.

Keep your resume accomplishments relevant to the positions for that you will inquire. You can add personality by listing hobbies provided they relate. If you seek assignments in leadership, you can list volunteer activities if you hold a formal position, and you've held that position for a year or more. If you use a chronological resume, make sure you list your most recent accomplishments first.

Make sure you have someone review your resume! People often forget this step. Do your accomplishments make sense? For each accomplishment, do you show the relationship between your situation and / or task at hand, the actions you took, and the results you achieved? Do you quantify your results whenever possible? You might think that you've answered these questions positively, yet it might not be so clear when someone else reviews your resume. My advice to you: Have a coworker or manager you trust review your resume for anything that sounds unclear, and edit your resume following their advice. Of course, it is acceptable for you to make your accomplishments shine bright. Just remember to never lie about what you've done. You will be found out during the interview process whether formal or not.

Develop your short-term, mid-term, and long-term career plan

If you don't know your destination, how can you get there? You must create figure out your career goals and determine your strengths and weaknesses before you can find the best stretch assignments. Your career plan will consist of the following sections:

• Short Term: 1 - 5 years
• Mid Term: 6 - 10 years
• Long Term: 10 years and beyond

Your career plan represents where you see yourself in those time frames. Is your plan set is stone? Of course not. You should revise your career plan once a year. However, once you calibrate your path, you should assess your strengths and weaknesses. Perform a gap analysis to learn what skills you need to develop, so you can achieve your goals. If you find your soft leadership skills lacking, consider leadership positions that force you to develop your skills. If you want to become a software developer, and you find you know little about configuration management, pursue positions in software development. My point is this: You cannot select stretch assignments that take you outside your comfort zone if you do not know your boundaries.

Discuss your career plan with your manager

You cannot pursue stretch assignments in a vacuum. Your manager can assist in developing your career. Of course, this assumes that your organization's culture encourages professional growth, and I will not discuss what to do in these cases here. It behooves managers to help people develop their careers and get promoted, as that reflects positively on them. That said, you should arrange a face-to-face meeting with your manager, and discuss how you see your career flowing in the coming years. Speak to your interests and what makes you uncomfortable. You want assignments that challenge you and push you to your limits. That is how you grow professionally and personally. You will not achieve lofty goals without taking risks. Yes, you might fail, yet you should see those as career paths that you should reconsider for your long-term plans.

Your manager is your coach. He or she can offer suggestions on what rotations best fit your goals, and what positions will challenge you. They should know what managers have positions that need to be filled for the next 9 to 12 months. Take advantage of these openings: Write down names and descriptions of the positions. If your manager suggests that you review internal job boards, follow-up on that suggestion. However, they should have established a network within your company's management structure, so your manager should know who has openings.

Tip: Join a Leadership Development Program (LDP)

If you want to spend the next two or three years in your career in stretch assignments, I would advise that you join a LDP. I briefly mentioned LDPs aimed at entry-level professionals. There exist LDPs for mid-career individuals who want to boost their careers in different directions. These LDPs often aim to place people into leadership positions. However, if leadership roles do not interest you, you do not need to place yourself into a management spot. I would take advantage of these programs anyway, as all professionals can benefit from developing leadership skills. Even if you decide not to become a manager, you could find yourself leading teams. Why not develop your leadership skills? You can boost your career by showing management that you successfully lead teams to success.

Of course, LDPs often require employees to have excellent yearly reviews. If you focus on performing with excellence, this should not be a problem. You will shine, and the LDP Manager will want to bring you into the program. Once you are in a LDP, meet with the LDP manager and get their advice on possible rotations. This manager will get to know you through one-on-one meetings, and they have contacts within your company who will show interest in you. Take detailed notes during your meetings, and make sure to follow-up. LDP managers will want to make sure that you find a good rotation.

Meet with Rotation Managers

Now that you have contacts, reach out to them with your resume! Write short emails that do the following:

• Tell the manager who you are
• Explain a few key skills that match their position
• Tell them why you are interested in joining their group
• Request a 30 to 60 minute meeting with them

Do not forget to include your resume. Recall, it is your career summary, and the managers will need it to understand you as an individual. Sometimes managers do not respond immediately. Wait one to two weeks to follow-up, and follow-up gracefully. Remind them of your interest in the position. Suggest a date and time, and ask if that works.

Once you schedule meetings, make sure you are on time for those meetings. Always bring a copy of your resume, and dress professionally. You do not need to dress formally, as this is an informal interview. However, I advice that you do not wear casual Friday clothing. When you meet, you should be prepared to tell the manager about yourself. Make sure you have a thirty second elevator pitch. Explain why you want to do a rotational assignment in that manager's group. You should be confident in yourself. It is OK for you to be nervous, yet remember that you are interviewing for a temporary position within your group.

Quite often, people forget to have questions for the rotation manager. This is an area where you can steer yourself off course. You should ask the manager the following types of questions:

• Why is the position open?
• What do you expect from an employee in this role?
• What is your management style?
• What skills would you need to develop during the training phase?
• What is your team like to work with? How would you describe your group's micro-culture?
• Optional: Do you plan on retiring in the upcoming year?
• Optional: Does this position require travel? If so, how much?

You can ask other questions. Just make sure to give the manager time to explain the position to you. The last two questions are optional. If the manager is far in their career, you should know if they will be there to support you throughout your rotation. If they leave the company, will they have an alternate who can guide you? If the position requires traveling, you will need to know especially if you have a family. You might be unwilling to sacrifice time and relationships if you will be on the road most of the time.

Summary

You must take responsibility on finding the best rotations for your career. When making your decisions, make sure to follow your gut. If something seems off, do not take the rotation. I've done this myself, and I found myself having to find another one. It was painful. Yes, I found a rotation that suited my career better. However, I would have found that rotation sooner had I followed my intuition that said something was wrong with the rotation.

Remember, you need to follow up with the managers. Thank them via email for their time. If you decide not to take a rotation in their group, politely let them know. Of course, you need to let your manager know of your decision. (This applies to your LDP manager if you are in a LDP.) Remember, the rotation is not permanent, so you will need to decide at the end of the rotation if you will go back into your original assignment, or if you will make that rotation permanent. Communication is key throughout the entire process. It will help you boost your career because you will find stretch assignments that guide you along the career path that you want.

You can achieve your career goals in business through a combination of knowledge, support, experience, potential, and expert assistance.

Do you want to learn more about career advancement and leadership? Please read my prior posts on this subject:

• Accelerate your career through stretch assignments 
• How to Market Yourself for Larger Paychecks and Promotions
• How to Evolve Your Stagnant Career towards Exciting Fields in STEM
• How to Turn Cynicism into Positive Action
• Sometimes leadership means cleaning up the mess you created
• Learn from your mistakes to build on your experiences

Will you disregard important relationship advice?

I want to give. In life, it's the relationships that we form with each other that matter. We need to develop close relationships with other people. They could be our spouses, children, friends, or co-workers. We are not meant to sit alone in boxes isolated from the rest of the world. We often bury our heads in our phones or get sucked into video games or what not. It becomes easy to get frustrated with others and choose isolation. How is this affecting us as a society? How does it affect us as individuals?

I'm not sure how to answer the first question. Okay, I recant my previous statement: I can answer the question. I'm convinced my answer will stand the heat of logical debate. The lack of relationships makes us poor. We become poor in compassion, generosity, and caring for our fellow human beings. I know there exist plenty of examples of people helping others. That's great, and I make the world a better place one person at a time. Yet, I see so many examples of people hating other people for one reason or another. They're Mexican. They're Jewish. They're Muslim. They're LGBTQ. They're whatever they may be, perceived to be different and thus a threat. For each type of person, the haters give reasons for expressing their hate. They're going to take our jobs. They want to replace us. They want to kill us. They live in sin. So many reasons to hate, yet how well do you know these marginalized groups? Will they take our jobs? Do they want to replace us? Do they definitely want to kill us? Do they actually live their lives in sin?

Develop close relationships with people and get to know them better. Think of all the ways we can make this world a better place by listening to other people's stories. Visit a local mosque and learn how their congregants are attempting to live their own lives in peace. I know co-workers who are Muslim, and I respect them because respecting others is the right thing to do. For those haters of Jews, I can tell you I have no intention of replacing you. (Yes, I'm Jewish. I'm proud of it, and I'm not going anywhere because the United States of America is my home.) In fact, I'm trying get through this struggle called life like everyone else. I have a wife whom I love and have arguments with over and over again. It is outright difficult. Forming close relationships means you have to be vulnerable. You must admit your flaws and mistakes. (Click to Tweet) You must put yourself in the shoes of the other person even should they lack feet.

How does this lack of contact with other affect us as individuals? It makes us feel small and insignificant. What can I do, so future generations remember me despite being one out of billions on this planet? I see many ways to do this: become famous, write books people won't forget, do heroic actions in the face of danger. After thinking about this, I tend to think this is a wrong approach. Instead of being important to billions of people, I should become important to a few close people. One must develop close and intimate bonds with my family and friends. You should do wonderful things showing compassion, love, and generosity. This will make you remembered by future generations. What I mean is that you should not forget the people who love you. You should not forget that there are people in this world who are different. You can improve their lives through simple acts of love and kindness. Form close relationships with people who are not like you. Learn their cultures. What does it mean to be Hispanic? To be Jewish? Muslim? LGBTQ? Put whatever preconceived notions you might have aside. Get to know them as individuals.

Forming close relationships and bonds with other people is a never ending task. There will always be haters, yet there will be people yearning for close friendships. We will continue getting into arguments with our loved ones, yet we can work through those issues. Be vulnerable. Know that you will make mistakes, yet take responsibility for them. You should learn with the intent to improve yourself and your relationships. Get to know others, so you can know yourself. It will hurt at times. That is a risk you must take to develop your friendships and loving bonds.

Our world can be a good and nasty place. Many people what to do harm to others. This was true in the past, it is true now, and it will be true in the future. You can improve our world by showing love and kindness to one person at a time. Imagine a child who bullies others because their mother recently died. The father retreats into grief by displaying anger. If you can coach and mentor that child, show them love. Let the child know their father loves them, and it is okay to grieve a loved one.

Quite often, people choose hate because they feel isolated and unloved. You cannot reach each person who closed their hearts, yet form a bond with that person. This individual might have become the instigator of the next mass shooting had you moved on. Instead of responding with anger, invest time to understand their hate. You might need to reach within yourself and understand why you respond the way that you do. This is an opportunity for you to show them you are there for them and care. Open their hearts with patience, kindness, understanding, and compassion. You can improve the world one person at a time. (Click to Tweet)

Remember, our time on this planet is finite. Although future generations might forgot you and me, we must make positive impacts. Be positive forces in the lives of those close to us. By showing examples of kindness and compassion, they in turn will do the same. Not every single person we influence will do this of course, yet one or two will, and the pattern will repeat. Thus, you can have a great positive impact on the world by forging a few meaningful relationships. After all, quality not quantity matters.